Today in 1908 - Cubs stink for the ladies, a fight breaks out in the stands, and terrible diet and b

The Cubs made barely a whimper today, falling to the Doves 5-0 and embarrassing themselves in front of all the pretty ladies. In other news, a fight breaks out in the stands, and we deliver bad diet and beauty advice.

It was Ladies Day at the West Side Grounds and clearly the Cubs were way too focused on impressing the fairer sex, because they laid on egg today and got shut out 5-0. Definitely not the kinda day at the ballpark you wanna remember, so I'll spare you a lot of the gory details. That said, there were some interesting things to point out, including a brawl in the stands that ended with a guy getting hit in the head with an umbrella.

Side note: I hate looking dumb in front of my wife. She used to come to my softball games, but much like the Cubs on this day, I always seemed to stink when she was present. I lovingly informed her that she was an awful awful curse to the soul of my softball existence and to never come to another game again. Surprisingly, we are still happily married. Not surprisingly, I am much better at softball now that my own personal Curse Goat isn't there.

Anyway ... the Cubs were horrible today. And to make things worse, ace Mordecai Brown was on the mound for the game and got tagged for his second start in a row. Not only that, but he left the game after four innings with a sore arm. You wanna know why? HE PITCHES PRACTICALLY EVERY DAY!!! Yeah maybe in hindsight it wasn't such a great idea to have him make three straight relief appearances on his "off day" from starting!

Props to Boston Doves pitcher Vive Lindaman for hurling a five hit shutout on the day, and also apparently winning over the affections of many of the ladies in attendance. Found this picture of him, and he does seem a tad bit hunky. Look at the chin dimple!!

Hello ladies, Viva la Vive

Speaking of Ladies Day, the Tribune made sure to insult pretty much all of them in their game recap by saying "50 percent of [them] couldn't tell a foul tip from a candied prune. Well what's the difference? They all had a good time."

Yowza!

Tribune writer Charles Dryden is lucky he's already dead or female Cubs fans today probably would've killed him. For the record, I follow many female Cubs fans on Twitter (follow me, I follow back) and they REALLY know their stuff. So STFU Charles Dryden!

About the only exciting thing that happened for Cubs fans today was a fight that broke out in the stands between two dudes, that ended with one of them getting hit in the head with a lady's umbrella. According to the Tribune, a guy named D.L. Larkin got mad at a guy named Butch Smith for allegedly "intruding on his foot space." Larkin said something to Smith, who promptly punched Larkin in the eye. An unnamed woman then cracked her umbrella over Smith's head. Cops arrived and both guys got arrested.

Now if I'm guessing, I think it had nothing to do with "foot space." Butch was trying to talk up on ol' D.L.'s sexy umbrella-wielding lady friend. D.L. told him to back the heck up, and Butch punched him in the eye, leading to the girlfriend then smacking him with the umbrella. I mean, this WAS Ladies Day, so I think it's reasonable to believe the testosterone was flowing hard.

In other news, not only were ladies being insulted by the Tribune, they were also being given awful advice. Today's? Drink bran water. Mmmmm ... bran water!

There's nobody on earth that actually LIKES bran. They may tolerate it because they think it's healthy, but nobody says "Oh yes, I love the flavor of bran. More bran please!"

Love me some bran!

Despite that, the women's section of the Tribune today suggested a bid ol' glass of bran water to help cure any fainting spells you may have (because as we've learned, they've already established that they thought ladies were dumber and weaker, so of course they faint all the time cuz their just frail little girls!).

And as if that wasn't enough, the advice was followed up with some bad beauty advice, telling ladies that it was important to keep their foreheads nice and smooth, so they shouldn't "form the bad habit of raising the eyebrows while talking." That's right ladies, make sure you don't move your pretty little face at all when you talk. Wouldn't want you to get all ugly and stuff!

Better yet ... why bother talking? You don't know the difference "of a foul tip and a candied prune" anyway, so just sit there and smile (not too much ... wrinkles and all) and look pretty for your man.

On that horrible note ... let's summarize that the Cubs loss drops them to 48-35. It also dropped them to third place since both Pittsburgh and New York won, two and a half games out of first. Final game of the Boston series (and home stand) is tomorrow.

#cubslose #cubs #ladiesday #badadvice #fighting